Blog, Dear Kong Kong

2 years ago

Dear Kong Kong

Dear ~~Grandfather~~ Kong Kong,

Its been over a year since you’ve left me. 1 year, 1 week and 1 day, today, to be exact.

Your death, your death showed me so many things. Things that I could have seen when you were alive, but didn’t. Remember what I said to you that afternoon? That last afternoon I spent with you? Its true. So true. That is true and will always be true.

You showed me how long and short life is. But your death revealed to me a side of you I never knew. You touched and changed so many lives. I said at your funeral that if I could touch half the amount of lives you did it would be something to me.

Your death showed me how much you were part of my life. It showed me how much pain there is. You showed me how life just goes on, it doesn’t stop, you showed me that it never does.

Since you’ve left us, my family have changed. They’ve changed so, so much. The day you died, I saw my family united. United in grief - so much grief. And so it was for the next few weeks. After we put you in your final resting place, and time passed, ~~they~~ we changed. It was like you had some magical, unexplainable way of keeping us together while you were alive. And after you died, it disappeared. If you were to look at us now, I doubt you will recognised us. That grief is no longer there. What was grief has now become stress, anger, shouting.

After you died, it felt like I’ve lost everything. It still does. Day by day goes by. And I know no matter what I do, no matter what I say, I can never, ever, sit beside you again, walk with you, chat with you, eat with you, be with you.

Everyone tells me time heals all. Truth is, it doesn’t. That wound is still there. That gap in my life is still there. Time just makes you forget. I ~~can’t~~ won’t forget. I won’t. You are so much to me.

I don’t believe in life after death. People say you’ve gone to a better place. All I know is that I’ll never see you for a very long times and that, I might never see you again.

Religion is something that some people need to live. It gives them a way to clear their doubts, to explain coincidence, forgive themselves, and hope that their miserable lives that they are living has some meaning to someone, some God, something out there. That their lives has a goal. They don’t need to know what kind of goal, just that there is one sometime in their lives. To give them hope to live. Hope that they may see someone that they love when they die.

I’m sorry, so sorry. I don’t know if I could have prevented it. Sometimes I wish if I knew what I was doing was wrong or right, sometimes I don’t.

Did I do it?

You go so much better. You did.

I never cried at your funeral. I never cried when you stopped breathing. I never cried as your cold body laid there. I never cried as you slowly turned into ashes. I couldn’t.

You’ll Always Be With Me.

And The Last Obstacle That Will Be Conquered Is Death.

Sean

Dear Kong Kong

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